Conspiracy Theory

I was sure they were all out to get me. It couldn't be plain and simple paranoia anymore. How could something so simple as handing in an application be so difficult? It isn't. People were sabotaging me. I was sure of it.

First, there was the lack of money. My boss has severely cut back my hours. Business was bad. This, of course, happened just after I finally graduated cosmetology school and was able to now work more hours. When I was going to school-- for a full 9 hours a day (from 9-2:30 and again from 5-9)-- I was only working weekends. Well, sometimes a few hours during the week and all day Saturday. The pay wasn't the object, I was there to learn more than anything. And tips were good, even for a lowly assistant like me. During the Christmas rush, I was shuffling between work and school for a good 13 hours per day. The kids had almost forgotten what I looked like. I was exhausted. I still don't know how I got everything done. But I did. I went to school double-time in order to graduate early so I could work. Then, the slump came. And it stayed. I was laid off. A first for me. I've never been fired or laid off. Ever. It hurt my ego in a bad way. That led into...

The depression. Maybe if things were different, it wouldn't have been so bad; but my ego was already in a bit of a sad state from the move back to Jersey, the incredibly long separation which finally led into the somewhat contested (by him, not me-- never me-- but only because he wanted to get back at me) divorce, being a single parent and having to live with my parents, the kids wondering why daddy won't call anymore, trying to find some direction in my life thing. And maybe if I'd been able to immediately look for a new job, the depression wouldn't have been so bad. But between numerous family issues (several car accidents, kids needing care during the summer, my lack of money to fund any child care, the kids needing time with me after so many hours AWOL at school and work, etc.) I was needed at home. And it seemed that every time I made an effort to move forward, it was thwarted by someone. I eventually gave up. For a little while anyway. Depression.

But I can never allow myself to stay still for very long. I get restless. I also like to finish what I started. I was determined to finish this. I really like doing hair. Particularly color because it combines my loves of art and science. Yes, I am a big geek. You should know that by now. With grim determination backing me, I set about getting my application sent in. I would get my license somehow.

That meant I needed to get to a doctor and get a physical. I scrounged up some money and did just that. I had my doctor fill out his part on my form and set out to conquer my next obstacle. The money for the application. I'm kind of ashamed of this part. I begged my parents for the money. Bad enough that I was living with them, bad enough that I was now jobless and already dependent upon them, but now this. I got the money and another dent in my ego. I sent in the application.

At least a month later, I get a thick envelope from State Board. I got all nervous and fluttery. I tore it open, expecting a date for the test and a list of things to bring. Instead, I got my application rejected. Rejected. Why? Because my high school transcript didn't have the official school seal.

Ok, not terribly bad. I can get that fixed easily enough. But then The Girl got sick. Then The Boy. Then The Girl got sick again. As did I. It was a game of musical illness. Who will get sick next? The suspense! Finally got over the cold, then it snowed. And snowed. Then the school told me that now wasn't a convenient time, come next week. And it snowed again. I was sure that not only people were working against me now. No, it was far more insidious. Not only did I have all of mankind working against me, but also weather and very likely any and all gods in existence!

Today I was determined. I would make them give me what I wanted. I called the school bright and early. And was told that testing was today. I think she could tell from my tone that I wouldn't back down this time. No, sirree, I was getting shit done today. I was told to come in the afternoon. So I did. I got there a bit early in case the wait was long. It only took 2 minutes. Most of that time was spent finding the embosser and removing staples from my application. I almost feel let down. So anticlimactic.

And so now I wait...